Sorry

In this vast and often crazy world, it's easy for some people to get lost in it all. This is what I'm feeling at this moment in time.

Huh? Have no clue about what I'm saying? Well, let me explain.

As of late, it's been hard for me to find the motivation to pursue the creative arts I love so much. I'm sure it's not just a bad case of art block or the normal cycle of artistic events. I have ideas and I have time to draw, but it's been rather hard for me to put as much love and care into the various aspects of my work. I suppose it could be college is eating up my energy for art; graphic design does indeed make one mentally drained at the end of the day. Perhaps I'm encountering the full brunt of what having a life beyond my childhood home(s) is going to be like for my brain, all about 40 pages of thumbnails and dwelling on the same set of business cards for days. I guess most would say "tough luck" and go one about how this how the real world operates.

At the core of this, it might be the fact that I want to be a storyteller. I want share characters, settings, and stories. One would say "what's stopping you?" at this point. I mean, I have the power to draw, type, and the ability to make up the various aspects of a world to tell a story in. So, I should really be cranking out that epic work by now, shouldn't I?

However, It boils down to this, I'm not a person of the caliber to put her creative works into the eye of the public. My fantasies, stories, and characters are simply the unreachable dreams of a backwater girl's overactive imagination. I don't feel that my art is going to get me too far in life, but it's the only real skill I have. I've always known that, but I tricked myself into thinking somebody someday would value my eccentric abstract designs and character doodles.   Being empathic, intellectual, and extremely shy doesn't make for a successful person. Even less so for a young woman looking for acceptance into the adult world.  So, I most likely be making business cards and local advertisements for most of my existence, sliding along rather being rather lonely.

So, here we are. I'm not depressed, mad, or trying to get attention. I've just come to the realization that no one cares about what I post here at all. I'm a passing curiosity with the illusion that my art is decent. I know that what I post is shit, but I'll keep on truckin'. There has been too many hours put into drawing and other creative ventures to turn back now.